2011 - Transition

Life is a series of beginnings and endings.  Many of which occur without a hitch or we respond to them easily since we have become accustomed to them like the transitions in the seasons year round or a new year that comes around every 12 months.  Whether transitions are unexpected or planned (although we have somewhat deluded ourselves that they aren't right around the corner) they can become challenging, forcing us to let go of the familiar and face the future.  This can leave us feeling pretty vulnerable.  Transitions add to life some anxiety, fear, sadness, anger and in my case it has left me feeling unprepared.


So what's going on you may wonder?  The grant that I work for is ending.  It doesn't come as a shock.  I knew the moment I took the job that the grant would end in November 2011 but back in 2008 that seemed like a long time away.  It also seemed like a really good thing, I would take the job, stick with it until the end and then be free to pursue something new and exciting.  Ever hear of the adage: "A rolling stone gathers no moss"?  That has been my professional career.  I used to hop from one job to another every year or so, always learning a lot, never ever getting attached to anything or anyone.  Why?  Because I get bored easily with most jobs.  Most jobs require for you to go in day after day and do the same stuff and don't let you exercise your creativity much.  Most bosses (in my experience) don't appreciate it when you ask "how about we try this (referring to something new or doing something differently)".  Also, I've found several environments in the non-profit world to want and ask too much of you.  Since you are working for a non-profit the expectation is for you to devote your body and soul to the job, for little pay and forgoing your life outside of work.  I love working for a good cause but I'm not about to give up the privilege of having a life for it.


But I was completely unprepared for how this job, my employer, my coworkers and the community members I work with would change that for me.  I LOVE what I am doing now and the work that I get to do in the community!  I think I have a great boss, I really like most of my coworkers (hey, you can't have it all), and my employer by non-profit standards kicks-butt (not that I have any other standards to compare it to)!


The last couple of months of 2010 I felt numb.  The past couple of weeks I fluctuated between self-doubt, anxiety and misplaced anger.  On Thursday I spent some time with one of my board members who has also become a friend.  I told her how I was just feeling angry and annoyed in general and she was kind enough to turn the light bulb on by saying: you've grown attached.  And she is right, this stone has officially gathered some moss.  It may not seem like a huge realization to most people but for me it's enormous.  I think it  allows me to move on to the next steps of accepting and embracing this change as real and making the most of the time I have left under the grant.  It also allows me to prepare for the transition of what is next (fingers crossed and I may be staying with my current employer in a similar capacity).  And even though November seems like many months away, let's be honest - time flies when you are having fun!