Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more

My, my, my... how things have changed! Bundle is now 7 weeks old, can you believe it?!?!? DH and I have made it 7 weeks without killing or maiming the kid - I think that is news to celebrate!  

I don't think it's news though that Bundle's parents love food and love the opportunity to go eat out when they can get it.  In her 7 little weeks, Bundle has been to:
           - Grand Lux after taking her holiday pictures, 
           - Sushi Sasa, Izakaya Den, and Sushi Katsu - hey sushi was on the off-limits list 
              for mom for 9 MONTHS, and therefore dad couldn't have any so they've been 
              a little deprived and had to make up for it - hey, I didn't ask DH to give up 
              booze, the least he could do was not torture me by eating sushi
           - The 9th Door for tapas
           - Super Star Asian Kitchen for dim sum 
           - a quick bite before the art museum at Katie Mullen's Irish Pub 
           - and... Benihana's - with Papa and Nana

Yep, this kid gets around, foodie in the making!  

She's also been to the Denver Art Museum to see the "Becoming Van Gogh" exhibit during which she was very alert, than ate (loudly, this kid makes sucking noises like there is NO tomorrow and her food is going out of style) and to top it off didn't bother to burp - she belched, drunk Barney from The Simpsons style.  Patrons around us couldn't help but laugh!

Anyway, back to the point.  DH and I have taken notice of the reactions from other patrons and employees at all of these food establishments towards our Bundle and which places are kid friendly (meaning they have a changing table, we don't care about a kid's menu), and only one of them fit that bill.  Before you UGH and sigh loudly in exasperation, please know that Bundle has been well behaved at each and everyone of those places, never losing her cool (until we are getting ready to leave and stuff her back in the car seat and even then she isn't loud) and sometimes sleeping through most or all of the meal.  The thing is, now is the perfect time to take her because she is pretty easy and doesn't need much entertaining and easily falls asleep.  Also, DH and I are of the philosophy that going out to dinner is one of the most fundamental social educations a child can receive.  Sitting and having dinner at a public establishment is a force for civilization.  The sooner Bundle feels that force, the better she'll adjust.  Lastly, how are we ever going to teach her how to properly behave in restaurants if we aren't allowed to take her?

Although so far we haven't had any restaurant employees balk when they see her, other patrons certainly take notice.  They fit into one of the following:
a- could care less and don't even seem to notice (we used to fall into this category)
b- love seeing her and desperately want to hold her
c- balk - big time - act like their evening has been ruined by having a sleeping baby sit next to or near to them.  Let me just say that the people who fall into this category get on my freaking nerves!

Since we used to fall into the A category, we have certainly been in for a rude awakening, and guess what? We are not in Kansas any more.  DH and I are not used to getting dirty looks on a regular basis (okay, so I am but I'm normally the cause and am well aware of what I'm doing to deserve them), repeatedly during the course of a meal while at the same time getting these adoring, doe-eyed looks - mostly these are directed at DH when he is doing his daddy duty and simply holding Bundle.

I remember being taken out to eat by my grandparents often, some of those places were "family-friendly" and some were not.  My grandmother also insisted on taking us a few times a year to a very fancy place for tea and we would receive "going out to eat" manner lessons at those teas as well, from how to politely address the server, to which fork to use or how to sit at a table.  Never a dirty look from anyone.  It may be that these events took place in Costa Rica, where children are seen and heard, and people don't have a problem with it.  Kids are a part of life and are therefore expected to show up, well, everywhere.  Although I thought I was over the "culture clash" phase of living in the US, having a baby is bringing all sorts of issues up to the surface, hmmmm..... this might be fodder for another blog post, but I digress.

Have you had this happen to you if you have kids?  If you don't have kids, how do you feel about having them dine out and why?  Would really like to hear some thoughts on this so please share!

Omwana taba womoi, or, It takes a village to raise a child

I don't think it's a secret, at least not to the people who have been around me for the past couple of years, how much I love the Pacific Northwest.  The love affair started many moons ago with a cookbook called Pacific Northwest: The Beautiful Cookbook by Kathy Casey.  I don't know why but the pictures and recipes in that book just spoke to me.  

At long last, DH and I had the chance to go visit some long time family friends in 2010 and then again in 2011, let's just say it was love at first sight and I fell hard.  Since our first trip DH has heard me repeatedly say things about us moving out there, how I love the water, the climate, the people, etc., on and on... I looked for and applied to jobs out there with the plan that if I was offered one, we would move out and then DH would have to find something there as well, (hang in there, I swear this is going somewhere)...

Water

and mountains...

I don't think my pictures do the place justice, but you get the point...

But then, things changed.  First, I got pregnant (no biggie, right?) and felt like I was sleep walking through life for the first few months.  I was exhausted all the time, my brain didn't function properly and I was sick for what felt like non-stop.  I was grateful that I wasn't at a new job, with new coworkers/boss having to prove myself to them, instead I was in what I might call a "loving" environment, working for and with people who knew me, what I was capable of, and were patient and understanding of my circumstances.  Unexpectedly, events during this past summer in the community I work in further changed my situation.  All of a sudden, my program was getting local, state and national coverage (check me out on NPR and the BBC, links and autographs sent for free) and I was being recognized at a higher level than ever before for my work... career-wise, it was time to stay put.

At the same time, the people in our lives reminded us what community really meant.  From the very beginning, we received tons of help and advice with my pregnancy.  Congratulations and enthusiasm when we felt like deer caught in headlights.  Lemon and ginger teas, sour patch goodies, almonds, crackers and preggie pops to help with the constant nausea and vomiting.  Chat fests and moral support to let me vent, ask questions and voice my insanity.  Three different baby showers! And then came the hand-me-downs of clothes and all sorts of other goodies to stock baby for the first 9 months at the very least.  In all that we also had a savvy bargain hunter (and advice guru) who helped locate a Pack-n-Play and a Bobby pillow.  Our baby would lack nothing because of our community.

And then, the child who from now on in the blog will be known as "Bundle" (at this time it stands for bundle of joy but it could be bundle of "I'm going out of my mind" or bundle of Chinese sleep deprivation torture, etc., at some point as well) came along... she's only two and a half weeks old but I am so in love! (Yes, go ahead and get mushy on me, but only briefly!)  Both DH and I are enchanted by this little one.

Bundle has reminded me and opened my eyes as to how lucky we are.  Lucky and grateful, because she's perfectly healthy (we were worried about jaundice and diabetes for a minute there), she has 10 fingers and 10 toes, the cutest facial expressions and hilarious little noises and squeaks come out of her. Lucky and grateful because even though my relatives all live far away from her, we have a ton of aunties and uncles, who are all here (or a phone call away), ready and willing to lend a hand, give support and love her and her parents.

Do I still yearn to live in the Pacific Northwest? Absolutely.  But for now, I'm happy and extremely grateful that we don't live there.  That we are in the right place and the right time for our Bundle to have this lovely village that is here for her.

To all of you who have helped and supported us - THANK YOU! We don't know what we would do without you!

The Pregnancy Fairy

This blog post is not meant to be insensitive.  If you're trying or have tried to get pregnant and weren't or haven't been able to, I'm sorry.  This isn't meant as something to rub in your face or me being ungrateful for what has been happening and is about to happen in my life - it's me venting... so, if this upsets you, please stop reading now.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a woman who wanted to have a baby, and one day the Pregnancy Fairy visited her and granted her this wish and they lived happily ever - WTF?!?!? Oh no!!!  The Pregnancy Fairy is a b (rhymes with witch).  Why, you might wonder... well because the Pregnancy Fairy is a lot like Rumpelstiltskin, she'll grant you the wish but it'll cost you - and dearly.  How, you ask? Well, some people have really great pregnancies and they barely have any pregnancy symptoms (you are SO lucky and I totally envy you, how did you manage to pay off the Pregnancy Fairy?).  Others have one symptom right after the other, even up to the very end they have something or other pop up.  Guess which category I fit into?

Don't let her fool you, she's an evil and mean fairy...

I like to think that I'm overall an easy-going person.  I am very organized and have to be for my job but as with everything, there comes a moment where I just say, I've organized and prepared and now I'm gonna wing it (so this makes me easy-going, not irresponsible).  I am also the opposite of DH (a perfectionist) when doing a project, say like building a garden box.  DH builds the box and leaves it unattended with me hanging around, I am so excited to start planting that I just start dumping soil into the box.  DH's reaction to this: "What are you doing?  Do you want to do it right or do you just want to dump soil and start planting and see what grows?!?!"  I stay quiet knowing that my answer being the latter is probably not the right one to give. DH: "Cause the right thing to do is to line the box with weed fabric and then start dumping soil in there", me: "oops".  But since I already "ruined" the project, might as well finish dumping the soil, plant stuff and see what grows.  If this involves weeds sprouting through I may never hear the end of it, oh well.  But, I digress.

What pregnancy has made me realize is that when I'm "winging" something, I'm normally in control of my body.  I can make my body go and go and go without feeding it for hours or taking a pee break, I can make my body push through pain to accomplish what I want.  Then comes the Pregnancy Fairy and she poops on your parade while putting the brakes on you having control of anything you might want your body to do.  I've often wondered if my attitude towards the Fairy has made things worse... or maybe (gulp), my age?

I'm tempted to list all of the many gifts the Fairy has given me but somewhere along the way that would become an over share, but I will give you a few:
              carpal tunnel syndrome
              intense vomiting and nausea lasting until I was 6 months along
              gestational diabetes
              sciatica
              swelling (especially my feet)
              extreme fatigue 
              insomnia (with random bouts of falling asleep nilly-willy in the middle of the day)   
              numbness in my hands
              atypical migraine in combination with bells palsy (which started as a possible stroke)
              skin tags
              hormonal outbursts and crying
              overexertion followed by BHC (Braxton Hicks Contractions)
              extreme exhaustion... 
              and of course who can forget the growing belly which limits and restricts many of my movements.... and.... I'll stop there.  
Although please believe I could keep going, and it doesn't get any prettier.

This week, when I am so close to my due date, the fairy showed up with yet another gift (after she gave me what seemed to be a pretty big serious present last week) - I wish just for once she'd give me a gift receipt along with it or just refrain from being so dang generous.

The best and the worst in the land of the opinionated

Well, I had been avoiding posting (although I started writing several posts) because frankly I'm tired, have a to-do list a mile long and most of my thinking is consumed by either work or pregnancy.... and I thought people wouldn't be interested in reading about that.  But what do I know, maybe you do want to read about it, so here goes.

I have to say (and those of you who have been through this will chuckle in a minute) that pregnancy brings out the worst and best in people who interact with the pregnant person.  While at Lowe's I get offered multiple times not only help in finding something I need but also a: "would you like some water?"  At the MicroCenter when picking up some computer stuff for my DH that they can't seem to find, keep me waiting for an extra 20 minutes and perhaps I get a touch testy, the employee was super nice and even gave me a great discount for "all my troubles".  At the dry cleaner's I'm asked if I'm all set because I look like I'm going to burst "any minute", and when I explain that I still have a few more months to go I get asked if I'm having twins... let me just reassure you that we now have a new dry cleaner.

But the biggest thing I have found to be both the best and the worst of pregnancy is people giving me (and DH) advice.  If you are one of the people who fit in this category let me clarify.  I really appreciate and find it to be a good thing to get advice from people who know me, aka friends and family.  For example, someone I went to college with and is now a Facebook friend got me linked into Amazon Mom - this is good advice that I appreciate.  I also have no problem when someone tells me what worked for them in a non-pushy way as if saying: babies are all different, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other and here is what worked for mine, in case you want some more info.

On the other hand, DH's physical therapist telling him that we need to have certain sleeping arrangements for the baby, in my book is what I consider not-such-great advice.  Why?  Because DH's physical therapist doesn't know us, he sees DH twice a month (for the past 8 months) and shares his words of wisdom without having a clue what DH and I are like, what our arrangements are, etc.  And this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.

At first, I thought this was just one of those things, you know, like weddings - pregnancy and babies brought out the "advice" giver in people.  But slowly, I started to realize that I haven't received unsolicited advice from people outside of Colorado.  People online or on the phone don't just offer it up, during our visit to Ohio no one had any pearls of wisdom to share and in Mexico City no tips were given.  People showed interest and asked questions but didn't volunteer their opinion.  So much interest was shown that while in Ohio we did contemplate getting a t-shirt that said something like "it's a girl, she's due first week of November, no we don't have a name yet and yes, it's our first".

You may think that my opinion on advice is a touch harsh but, have you ever lived in Colorado?  People here who you don't know from Adam feel they have the right, they are honor-bound, nay that it is their duty, to share and inform you on what is best for you, especially when it comes to pregnancy and a baby.  At first, I thought this was just a "me" thing, being hormonal and whatnot - I was just seeing people in an un-kind way.  However, a recent trip with a male colleague who is from Minnesota (but has lived in Colorado for 3+ years) further supported my position when he said "people in Colorado are too opinionated, and they always feel like they need to share, when I have kids, I hope we are no longer living in Colorado".  'Nough said!

I would love to hear your stories of what advice/opinions people gave you (or your DH) during this time in your life!

Just call me a fuddy-duddy

An adjective that I would normally not use to describe myself but, there are always firsts.  And here is why.  I grew up in a very traditional time in a traditional country... during my formative years I was taught to address everyone who was clearly "older" (I'd say 25 and up) in a couple different ways.

Don/Doña - which doesn't have a direct translation into English but it's essentially a title of courtesy proceeding a man/woman's first name, roughly translated into Lord/Lady - or if you grew up in the South it would be the equivalent of using Mrs. Mary, Mr. Robert or Miss Kathie before a given name as a sign of respect.

Tío/Tía - meaning Uncle/Aunt in Spanish.

Which "title" you were given varied on your relationship to my family (and my parent's choice).  If the person was a close friend of my parents, older cousin of my parents or grandparents, godparent, or the likes, they received the familial title - otherwise everyone else was relegated the more formal title.

Why do I bring this up?  Because it flabbergasts me repeatedly how children in the US are not given direction by their parents as to how to address their elders.  It chafes me to no end to have a 4 year old address me by my given name as though we were equals, but what else is the kid supposed to do other than revert to the "hey, you" or go with the name they hear the parents use?  Rarely have I had a parent "introduce" me to their child so that they know how to address me.  Occasionally, parents will introduce me as "title" Jenny but then fail to use it themselves when referring to me, thus confusing their child.  And while I am fine with adults addressing me by my given name I find it incredibly rude to have a child do so.  

I understand that many people find it okay to have their children refer to their elders by their first name, this is just not something that we see eye to eye on.  I don't believe having children be formal and giving respect verbally to an elder makes them a milquetoast child, but rather one who respects age and knowledge - plus I hope we teach our child that not every adult deserves respect but you should still address them accordingly. 

Also, I recently read an article on this matter.  Mom and Dad were divided, Mom wanting to not be a fuddy-duddy, and Dad being a traditionalist, and how they worked it out.  This led to a very short discussion on the matter with DH, luckily, we both agree in this area, even though he didn't grow up with such formality (but he has been listening to me b**** about it for many years).

Additionally, I was taught to finish most statements with sir or ma'am, an example of what would happen in our household growing up:

My mother (yelling from the opposite end of the house): JJJJJEEEEEENNNNNYYYYYY!!!!

Me (as I walked toward the end of the house she was in): Yes, ma'am? 

A couple of times I dared to answer back: What? 

To which the response from my mother was a  mixture of controlled fury and indignation: What did you just say?

Me: I mean, yes ma'am?

My mother: That's better...

Now, I don't entirely know if I will instill in our child to always use ma'am and sir with DH and I, but definitely with others.  Watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, you'll notice how he addresses elders and how polite it comes across, I love it!  (Clearly, this doesn't mean that if you haven't raised your child this way, your child isn't polite, I am just stating my preference.)  However, you can count on the fact that if you get introduced to our child it will be one of three ways: 

Miss/Ms/Mr First Name

Miss/Ms/Mr Last Name

Tío/Tía or Uncle/Aunt First Name

You are welcome to state your preference for what you would like to be called or we can assign you a title, but whatever happens please don't ever say to our child: "oh, just call me (insert given name here)" because you know that mixture of controlled fury and indignation I mentioned my mother having?  It happens to be a familial trait.  So, just let me be a fuddy-duddy, okay?

WHAT THE WHAT ......?

Okay, over the past several weeks I have tried and tried to figure out how to write this post and get it out of the way.  Most likely when I am done with this I will be dissatisfied but, what the heck, right?  For those of you who missed the news, DH and I are having a baby.  Yes, I admit I obtusely "announced" this on Facebook a few weeks ago through my twisted sense of humor and not everyone caught it, sorry I can't help myself!

And I apologize that I have not been keeping the blog current, at first I was tired ALL the time,  and randomly falling asleep (I still do this but not nearly as much).  I was so nauseous that the smell of the inside of our refrigerator was torture for me so I took a cooking hiatus for a couple of months, therefore no food posts.  And finally, what little brain power I had left was dedicated to keeping things together and trying to get work done.  Hopefully, I will be able to stay on top of things for a few months!

Oh! And if you have any questions (or you're just curious), feel free to ask - I will try to answer!

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies...

I lie.  Don't judge, cause you do it too.  Really.  We all do it, ALL the time.  Don't try denying it cause then you'd be lying.  We lie because it makes social interactions go smoothly.  We lie because we know that words can sting and hurt.  We lie because we want to make our friends and loved ones feel better.  We lie because we don't want to be rejected or punished.  We lie to save face, to avoid conflict, and to keep from rocking the boat.  We lie to avoid having to face an unpleasant truth about ourselves.  I mainly lie to not feel judged.  


When DH and I first starting dating we made a pact.  When you ask the other person "are you lying?" they must absolutely answer with the truth (so either yes or no).  These interactions go something like this:
     Me: Did you do x, y and z?
     DH: Mhm.
     Me: Are you lying?
     DH: Mhm.
     Me: Please go do x, y and z, ASAP.
You don't have to explain why you lied, you just have to tell the truth.  Sometimes, we answer with "maybe".  This is normally followed by an explanation like: yes, I am lying, but otherwise it'll spoil the surprise.  The other person will then let the issue go.  I don't know why but it has worked for 15 years.


This pact however, has not stopped me from lying to the rest of the world.  In the past few years I have tried to practice having honest relationships with people.  This can be really hard to do because it seems to me that people want to be lied to.  With some friends I can say something like: "I know we made plans but I'm really not up to it", I can explain to these friends why I don't want to do it and they don't judge.  I can say anything including: I'm just not in the mood, I just want to hang out on my couch by myself, I'm feeling grumpy cause I got in an argument with someone or I'm tired.  Most people don't want to hear this.  They want you to suck it up and put on a good face.  They think it's about them and take things personally, feelings get hurt and so on.


So, my solution to this is that I will now post the most common lies I use.  I hope you read it and know that when I use these I just might be lying to you.  Believing is your choice.  But know that I would instead rather have the relationship where I could just give you an honest answer and not have our relationship suffer because of it.


The lies I say the most:


1- I don't know.  This one buys me time to come up with a better way to respond with what you want to hear instead of just blurting whatever is on my mind and possibly hurting or upsetting you.
2- I didn't get the message.  Most likely I did get it and chose to ignore it for any number of reasons such as: I was in a bad mood, I didn't want to talk to you, I think you are an asshat and didn't care to help you out.
3-  Mmmmm, this (insert food product here that you prepared) was so good - yum!  Cause if we're honest, you don't want to hear that I didn't like it or that you did something wrong like forget to add salt, overcooked it, or any other number of things.  I am trying to not use this and instead just say something like: "thanks for sharing this, it was really nice of you to do", which it totally was nice of you to do!
4- I'm on my way.  And technically I am on my way, but just haven't made it as far on that way as you would expect/want.  Perhaps I'm just getting out of bed and heading towards the shower but hey, you are my eventual destination.  Don't judge.
5- I can't, I'm busy and I'd love to, but...  yeah, this means I wouldn't love to.  Normally, when I would really love to but can't I say something more like: "aw, crap/damn".  I'm also not busy, I just don't feel like it.  And of course I can, but I don't want to.
6- That's cute.  No, probably not; at least not to me.  But if you're asking me that's what you want to hear.  I really want to say that I don't like it but it doesn't matter because we don't have the same taste and if you like it that's all that matters but you don't want to hear that.
7- That makes sense/I get it.  Because if I don't follow I look like a moron, and this moron doesn't like to be judged for being a moron who doesn't follow what you're saying.


I would never lie.  I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation. - Fox Mulder

Personal Manifesto for 2012

Pepparkaka... which is to say Gingerbread in Swedish, although I agree it tastes like caca.

So, before I move forward with the obligatory New Year resolution post I have to tell you all about my Gingerbread Lane.  I had never made a gingerbread house in my life before so I absolutely had to do it this year and I thought it would be a lot more fun with some friends to sucker into this.  Cause adults decorating houses after drinking a little are way better at it than children have ever been.

I will confess that I started out with the idea that I would make the dough, and then the parts AND the icing as well since I was to provide the brick and mortar but I just didn't have time/gumption/desire, etc.  So I bought the houses already adorably made at IKEA and then bought the icing at my local supermarket's bakery.  Guests brought the decorations...

Getting all set up to start - notice the BIG bottle of wine a wonderful guest brought!

Getting started with the foundation

My very first Gingerbread House!

The wonderful friend who brought the wine, also drank it - said she was inspired by the neighborhood we work in, rrrriiiigggghhhhttttt, it had nothing to do with the wine.

The experienced Gingerbread House decorator

My first one!

Gingerbread Lane...

My house had to be relocated - for easy access.

For the insurance claim after disaster struck!

Tons of fun, will most likely become a yearly tradition for adult friends to hang out, relax, have a little wine, eat tons of candy and if time allows decorate a gingerbread house!